I just pynch a tree in the face
are you so shy because you have an std?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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