bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
not ubering you a puppy
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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