she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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