If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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