Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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