And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
