omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
