I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
