i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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