he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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