he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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