i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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