Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
