your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
