I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
