If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
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