How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
