i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
