I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
