OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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