im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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