we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I take back everything I said about communal showers
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
