Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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