Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
