just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
