Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
