For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
