When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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