chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
