I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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