If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
