Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I did not marry a roomba.
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