I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
