talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
dude i'm inner monologue high
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
