a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
