one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
