What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He passed out mid-signature
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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