Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
