she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
