Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
