Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
