lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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