I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
