Those balls look pretty dangerous.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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