How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
