Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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