no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
