He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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