I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
