chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
