Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
