i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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