I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
